Omg just saw this kid I went to elementary school with at the bar and he used to be cool and I was so awkward but now I have boobs so I WIN.
I just woke up in the coolest sweatsuit i have ever seen..it has cory's name on the tag...do we know a cory?
If lil wayne asked you to lick him like a lollipop I feel that you would willingly oblige.
Unfortunately I think I would lick most anyone's lollipop.
It's your form of community service; servicing the greater SDSU area.
i luv seein jocks study. its like watching monkeys masturbate.
Tequila is the liquid version of celery. I lose more calories during tequila drunk and the following sexual activities than I gain by drinking it...
I don't know what it is about vodka that make me ruin relationships.
I asked the full emergency room who else was there because of homecoming and every single person raised their hand
I love being high. The owl outside stopped who-ing and I could swear I just heard someone say, "Okay, that's a wrap!"
I'm sitting in the breakroom facing a very large sign that says "inappropriate workplace behaviors", and i can't help but feel like it is directed at me
Bring a bathing suit and your good liver.
My good liver is still at the dry cleaners. Will my backup liver suffice?
Maybe
If I am telling you about the details of the shits I take I probably don't want to have sex with you. Probably.
You don't realize how cold it really is...I poured my bong out the second floor window and icicles hit the ground.
Also we had sex while listening to fleetwood Mac on vinyl. Like the 70s called and told me to fuck off
The awkward moment your booty call shows up to the Mexican restaurant and realizes you just picked burritos over pussy
I was informed this morning that I took all my clothes off and ran around the whole apartment complex. Being as they just moved in, welcome to the neighborhood.
Randomize
