The worst part was when my mom got more drunk than anyone else and started doing the Time Warp.
oh man you're gonna hate me when you log onto facebook. remember i love you
so after he got his stomach pumped, he asked for a smoking room.
a fat lady just tried to bring a cooler stuffed full with burger kid through airport security. christ I'm going to miss the midwest.
so what if he's got a new girlfriend. the guy i'm fucking has an english accent. i win.
You nicknamed her "lazy eye" and were screaming across the bar at her to buy you a drink...
You kept showing the cop the bruises on the bottoms of your feet and claiming you were a medical mystery.
He's so hot and there's so much R Kelly and vodka I think I might die.
Although now I have "number of cheese slices" as a unit of boob measurement in my head.
11% beer and firearms, what could possibly go wrong?
Trying to stay sober at a family function but hiccuping so fucking loud. "Have you been drinking?" I hit on my cousin so yeah. I have been drinking.
And now let us go forth, and be garbage people in public.
Isn't that our default mode?
My dick has been in way too much crazy the past 2+weeks, but hey it feels good to fuck consistently again
Just got an exam care package consisting of only adderall wrapped in money. Score one for mom.
I am watching Wayne Gretzky and Alexander oveckhin play video games for charity. What is life right now.
Randomize
