we did it on the carpet and she just yells out "OH. MY PSORIASIS".
I just saw a San Diego firetruck. No wonder they can't figure out how to fight wildfires if they get so fucking lost they end up in Nebraska.
I don't know which is worse: knowing all the free porn websites, or knowing which days they update their free porn.
i really thought "pants-shitting drunk" was an unreachable level until last night
I just need to actually convince myself that drunkenly having sex won't help me forget the last time I drunkenly had sex, it only makes the situation worse.
That's terrible. At least give it a creative name like muff mobile.
nah i think i'm gonna take my landlord's kids trick-or-treating instead. apparently the houses around here hand out wine to the adults and candy to the kids.
Please be advised that because of last year's "incident" we will no be starting St. Pat's day with spicy breakfast burritos and car bombs. Please plan accordingly.
Watching this game makes me realize that we have yet to do Skype shots. What kind of long distance alcoholics are we?
Watching the blind side bc I need a good cry to make sure I'm still human after this weekend's questionable life choices
I felt like I was having sex with Joffrey from Game of Thrones. Needless to say how bad it was
It's taking every bit of my restraint not to go to the store and buy chips and cake and like steal someone's dog. PMS is so weird.
Thought the acid was fake. Then my reflection didn't move when I did in the bathroom.
Since when is my clitoris pierced?
I just made myself 3 peanut butter sammies because I was too hungry to watch porn
Randomize