Just saw remains of her puke from last night on my pants.... thats got "Apology BJ" written all over it.
Only she could turn her genital wart appointment into a date night.
I just dumped out my gym water bottle and filled it with white wine. This is the end.
Why are you always at the walk in clinic, Lady Chlamydia?
You're not allowed to make that my permanent nickname.
Remind me in the future that chugging dog codeine is not the best idea.
I think that means you're growing up...when your coke nail becomes your opening mail nail.
I rang in the new year by giving a lap dance to a Lutheran minister in a roomful of people including his wife. Jesus would be proud.
New low. Just realized I hooked up with a guy from Grindr in the hallway of a building my great grandfather used to own..
UHG. i just want to have hot lesbian sex and eat pizza with you.
BUT I'M ALSO ONLY IN IT FOR SEX AND HE CAN'T EVEN GET THAT PART RIGHT.LIKE LITERALLY ALL HE HAS TO DO IS DICK ME DOWN AND BE A DECENT HUMAN BEING IS THAT SO HARD TO ASK?!
Nice. Ask if they watched saved by the bell. yes=legal. No=jailbait
I was so high I could TASTE the fillings in my teeth
I jumped the fence at the bar last night. My dress got stuck and I ended up flashing the entire patio for a good 30 seconds.
At the 10 second mark everyone started to whistle and cheer. Free drinks all night
I have to start drinking water I have a drug test to fail at 1:40
I am not a whore. I just wanted casual drinking, monogamous sex and occasional McDonald's runs.
Randomize
