She just asked to stimulate my prostate, man law requires you come pick me up
Most awkward thing ever: Meeting your BattleShits opponent post war.
so i woke up.. still drunk and discovered my roommate in the living room passed out dick-in-hand watching porn..
What did u do?
turned the porn up and opened the windows so everybody goin to class could see him..
Does the blue bra belong to your sister or cousin?
I was really excited when he said that condoms didn't fit him, then he added "they fall right off"...
He told me I was a pleasure to arrest. That's the 2nd time I've heard that.
She had a cast on when I met her, but she blamed me for breaking her arm this morning. I'm gonna marry this girl.
My gynaecologist hit my g-spot today by accident and for some reason I went "at least someone found it" VERY AWKWARD
No other awkward car ride can beat the one you give your drug dealer home.
sidebar: i fucked your brother last night
I made a joke about The Hemingway being a really boring sex position where you blandly describe all the action and then kill yourself after you orgasm. He stopped responding. I've GOT to stop talking to everyone like they're you.
I sucked his dick by a creek, how romantic.
He was publicly touching my boobs before I even knew he's a famous World Cup skier.... That's how hot he was
Ignore him I am the one that wears the pants in the relationship while "the big man" cries in bed
He wouldn’t know a good thing if it bit him on the ass. Which, btw, I did.
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