Do you think an esthetician would be willing to wax the Chanel Cs into my crotch? That way, whenever a guy gets ready to pound on it I can go "Careful, it's Chanel."
So, halfway through sex he stops and starts crying. He said he's worried god hates him for all his bad decisions...think he meant to imply I was one of them...
yeah bitch needs to recognize there's only one person with this face
We were laughing at the passed out guy who had gone to sleep under the car in the McDonald's lot until we realized it was you.
This glow in the dark vibrator will get me through this power outage
She had her laptop open and there was microsoft word opend and all was written was "no italianoo"
Hes still mad that I left the room mid-hookup to go get a pickle from the fridge.
Where are you? This girl fell on a baby. She is just gone. Please Hurry
I'm hurrying
Dude. She just shit herself.
yea. Don't mess. He will heal me. But my blowjobs will be historical.
For the amount of money I just spent on my dogs toe, I could have fucked the entire B squad at a low end strip club.
I can't in good conscience help you bag a Catholic girl who isn't at least a 7.
I don't think the TSA would be too happy. Who knows if three ounces of lube will be enough for us?
You need to stop showing people the things i drunk-text to you... i have a reputation to uphold here
just made a presentation to 40 students and my professor about morals and ethical issues..still drunk. at 8am. I wish I could remember how it went.
You don't need yoga. You need a boyfriend! Trust me I've become all sorts of flexible this past year.
Randomize
