I was in the bathroom and heard my brother scream "YOU FAIL!!!", and I swear to GOD, I thought my penis was yelling at me.
I wish that guy wasn't missing teeth
Chris' response to jim throwing up was taking off his shirt and saying WHO WANTS A BONER
Even water is tasting like jack daniels
it wasnt like "sexy" or whatever. like...she was smiling just standing there butt ass naked
tasteful.
I remember desperately screaming that I love my life and running in zig zags all the way home
I'm hiding her cosmo magazine. the only sex tip she needs is to not handcuff her boyfriend to her roommates bed and lose the key
We're living together and you don't know if I've seen Titanic?!
She bit my shoulder during foreplay last night, and it's already infected. I think she has rabies.
I love you but I don't want to see you naked.
moral of my life: don't tell a guy you want to have sex with him. he'll get back together with his ex.
WELL I DIDNT KNOW IT WAS POSSIBLE TO COME SO HARD YOU HAVE AN ASTHMA ATTACK BUT HERE I AM
I WAS SURROUNDED BY HAIRY BALLS ALL ALONE.
i was so blazed last night that i kept imagining a talking eagle sitting next to me encouraging me to smoke more... i listened to it.
My dad just invited me to smoke a blunt with him. Parent-child bonding at its finest (and highest).
Randomize
