Was it cool?
About as cool as only getting a handjob on your honeymoon.
theres so much semen in my vacuum cleaner...
She came over and gave me a handy and then just lingered for a day and a half. Worst weekend ever.
Tried to bribe the bartender with wedding cake. Felt bad for not giving her a tip.
I'm taking a new approach to homewrecking... for science. Or I totally would. I have to see what happens between my ex & his brother when he finds out.
The bachelorette party was all fun and games until the strippers came. AKA you guys.
I apologize for chief "dances with dolphins" sucking on your friends foot
You woke up, laughed, proceeded to throw up on me and then passed out again.
hey dude, just got with the girl in H4. so mark H off the apartment list
haha we are half through our lease and already checked off 17 letters
My underwear are in the stairs so apparently I did take the dog out.
Future roommate keeps sending me pictures of cool shit she has for our dorm and I'm just like "... I have a set of Aggie wine glasses a great set of tits."
i don't think fitbit tracks "flipping the fuck out" as activity.
I'm really ok with inappropriate relationships. They are my favorite of all the relationships. No need to be timid. For crying out loud.
New Serial podcast is out. We can listen to it tonight instead of having sex.
.......he just venmo charged me for the burrito I was eating while he broke up with me
I never thought I'd be complaining about having sex 4 times a day, but here we are...
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