I would kick you in the vagina but I'm afraid I would lose my shoe.
You would only drink if the space jam soundtrack was playing, you thought it was hilarious that before every shot you said "y'all ready for this".
she moaned out jack bauer's name while i was banging her...
waking up outside has become so normal, the paper boy knows to set the paper next to me
we used the bottom of a tampon for coke since no one had a 20 on them. My life has resisted to this.
Idk he's just laying there passed out with a French fry up his nose and without any pants on. Boner and everything.
Well if I'm going to hook up with every ethnicity by the end of undergrad, I need to be moving on
After much deliberatipn and vodka, my favourite phrase of Christmas 2012 is "penis of last resort"
I don't know if I want context or not...
Context involves faux incest and champagne. Id go into detail but im on shot number 5.
I do not mind being torn from the first touches of sleep to see a man who looks like that
I think we can say happy hour is successful when you have frosting and southern comfort in your hair.
She has also never texted me first which I think might be a tell-tale sign she wants me to die alone.
I pack a first-aid kit when I DD for you. What does that tell you about your partying? For what I see and do, paying my food and gas for the night is a goddamn BARGAIN.
Is she blowing you? I'm in the closet.
If you had a good reason for throwing the toaster at the wall, now's a good time to tell someone. My parents are on their way back and you know my dad and his pop tarts.
Just passed a girl holding a jar filled with what appeared to be diarrhea
Randomize
