I think im going to throw up on grandma
I basing my decision on whether or not to date someone on whether I could imagine having sex with them sober
I just got a msg from someone saved in my phone as "gouiys stAndingg nezxt me not oz". Omh my life.
i took a picture of my dick. with a stick figure drawn on it. and a paper hat taped to the tip. and i call i the mayor of Dickville
i ate a whole tub of butter with my hands last night. don't tell me about rock bottom
Marshall is naming all the elements of my face. I love science nerds.
Day 1 of the Fuck Your Ex weekend has been productive. Already boned Steph and we're both still glad we arnt together anymore.
She just spat tequila at me... Like a fountain... A broken fountain
Virginity is like the pottery barn-you break it, you bought it.
Thanks....I've always wanted my vagina compared to an overpriced coffee table
Oh my god and he smells like heaven wrapped in a beard of knowledge
Do you know why I woke up with a half peeled lemon in my purse with a post-it that said "eat me" on it?
I ask him how he's going, like life and stuff, and he responds "20-0 pats"
nothing like waking up to a voice mail saying your std test came back negative
hooked up with him and then had a conversation with his ex about how we hate people who hook up with our exs...
OH MY GOD YOU GUYS I JUST FOUND OUT I HAD PHONE SEX THE OTHER NIGHT
Randomize
