if you like me you must not know who I am
also, you're talking to the girl for whom "deformed baby arm" wasn't quite a dealbreaker.
You were asking people if they could pee on you while you shotgunned beers
I was sitting behind this girl in class and she logged out of her facebook, hacked into her boyfriends, and then proceeded to check his inbox. This is why I'm single.
yeah but it's new years. they should arrest people for being sober that day.
the semester isnt officially over until i take the batteries out of my calculator and put them back into my vibrator
We will have to go big on the 4th! Nothing says independence like the impending doom of an ankle monitor
Oh and I ate all of your Cinnamon Toast Crunch. Consider it part of your reparation payment for accidental anal insertion. I may continue to collect payments until I am no longer sore.
whiskey
stop
tequila
you're fuckin up my ability to be a agrown up
Balls are being tripped. Said meow to my cat and he said yeah cool dude.
Think of something healthy and responsible. Now think of the exact opposite, let's do the latter
I apologized to him for my lack of boobs after he felt me up
IF YOU HAVE THE CHANCE TO HIT THAT, AND YOU DON'T, I WILL FUCKING CRUCIFY YOU.
You're such a supportive sister.
So I think my motto should be "losing bras and dignity every weekend" but like in a really amazing way
Is it acceptable to respond to a declaration of love with 'and I love your dick'? Asking for a friend who shares a name and possibly a phone number with me. Entirely coincidental.
Randomize
