So I was talking to her on the phone last night and had to mute it so I could take a crap.
Side Note: My mute button doesn't work.
i did make 45 jello shots and that makes me feel more productive then any paper would
I still don't know why you took that job... it sounds miserable
not having any beer money sounds even more miserable
You were laying in bed whispering and crying to the half eaten burrito saying "why am I shitting so much" and "what did I do to deserve this"
Just caught my dad doing coke in my bathroom again. Guess whose getting a new car for christmasss.
Finished my senior thesis. How am I celebrating you ask? By drinking gas station white zif out of an empty candle holder by myself. I fucking deserve to graduate.
Walmart at night is scary enough without having to run into people you've slept with
eating jello out of the cup. with my face. while on the toilet. i am at my lowest.
Figured out how I got so much alcohol in my hair: tried to drink my drink using my cleavage as a cup holder. Missed my drink hole and got it all in my hair
OMFG "ASS" JUST STARTED PLAYING ON MY PHONE VIA PANDORA AS IM IN THE CAR WITH A CONGRESSMAN FUCKKKK
I know he's gay. But if he touches my vagina I'm human centipeding his face. Sorry not sorry
But if I live with you I'll help pay rent. Only if you promise no 50 shades of what the fuck internet hookups
I only know one person in my class and that's my dealer.
Taking care of drunk people fulfills my need to be a mother
Our baby is creepy.
That's how we know it's ours. haha
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