I will give you a bj if you get me food. NOT A JOKE. FREE BJ.
i would have smoked before this dance, how ever i have surgery Monday and I looked up weed and anesthesia and fatalities was mentioned, so i decided that it would be a bad idea
probs a good idea
i like the whole idea of life and being alive
you sure you're not high?
Legit screaming match in this bar over the differences between cupcakes and muffins.
Eh, not fuck buddies. I prefer sexercise partner.
I'm handcuffed to your bathroom sink. Save me.
Status Uddate: I lost half a tooth and Alison is taking Amy Grant requests via bullhorn
Last time I heard from you, you were double fisting strawberry milk and wine. Answer this text so I know you're still alive. Bonus points for a coherent answer.
Do you think it's illegal to work at a bar if you're on probation for a DUI? I need a night job where I can meet men.
i'll probably be on drugs forewarning
forewarning i'll probably have done those drugs with you
I am not saying having unprotected sex in my boss' pool was a good idea, I am just saying it wasn't my worst idea of the summer.
the good news is that even if it's Alex's, I can still say it's Colin's, because the kid will come out ginger anyway!
who knew there'd be a plus side to your ginger fetish one day?
Successful first night. Lost my phone. Front desk found it. Earthquake in wine country. Didn't feel it.
I danced with a french guy who licked the sweat off my neck and poured a drink on me. Not gonna lie, that shit was refreshing
He had a cruise ship of a dick and I need to set sail on that ocean again
I am eating a fluff-a-nutter sandwich at the gym right now. I brought vodka too.
Randomize