the vacuum is drunk
what?
i spilled my drink and tried to vacuum it and now the vacuum is drunk
you really need to stop walk of shaming home from theme parties.
So I tried to call my phone from his phone and was like, "hey, my name is not in here..I thought you had my number" turns out he has my number saved as "gives good head"
I just saw the host of Singled Out do standup. Holy shit 1995.
I hope no one judges me for becoming a facebook fan of "Adderall" at 5:49 AM...
You seriously looked at the house acorss the street and implied that you thought they had nice Easters.
I tried to discuss modern art with a cab driver after explaining that I only had one shoe on b/c a pitbull ate the other one. Wtf. Call me when you can.
It's like leaving me for his wife wasn't enough. He had to give me an STD too.
Dude, you need to man up. You passed out before a PRESEASON game. It's a long season.
I have random bruises including my spine and visible bite marks on my neck. Thanksgiving car sex accomplished.
We are buying drugs from a guy with a Jesus fish on his dodge caravan.
things were going awesome until jimmy put out a cigarette in the everclear.
I'm considering offering a class on how to find good porn.
who orders an old fashioned in 2014? even my Grandparents think you're an asshole.
Its like Gods punishment for wanting to party
Randomize
