That's what you get when you play shuffleboard drunk.
I'm pretty sure that he just gave me the ginger disease
who the fuck tagged pancake nipples on my profile picture?
Just watched Hilary Duff have a three-some on Gossip Girl...all I could imagine was that LIzzie Maguire cartoon girl freaking out above their heads
She said she couldn't find my penis because my arm was in the way. That was my penis
Every man deserves at least one moment like that
Yessssss I diiiiid! I enjoyed 38% of it. There are 4 qualifications and 2 were good. 1. There is a penis in my vagina (Pass) 2. It's a big penis (Fail) 3. The sex is long and exciting and makes me sweat and have 6 pack abs (fail) 4. I got off (uhhh potential to pass...)
Me and Phil are just drawing pictures of thumbs in different costumes during lecture. I love being a senior.
there COULD be a gas leak in our house... proceeding to smoke with extreme caution...
If anyone ask I'm rushing for brotherhood, not so that this bartender will suck my dick
Be subtle and tell lucas that he should sleep here tonight. And by subtle, i mean show him this text...
He insists on falling asleep with his penis between my buttcheeks. He says its his "home".
Note to self...boner negates all verbal agreements ...got it
Like an undercooked grilled cheese that got cold again. But hairy.
And there goes my desire for sandwiches. Forever.
Everything isn’t always sunshine & rainbows. Sometimes there’s tequila.
before i could order beers she was on stage 69ing with a stripper
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