he pissed his pants, and she still wants to hook me up with him. I try not to date guys with bladder control problems... Unless they're loaded anyway.
There is no way when we get home that nothing will hapen
I mean we're not committed. He's my first choice, sort of like miller lite. When I'm at the bar I'm going to order one, but if they don't maybe I'll go for a bud or blue moon. I'm certainly not going to stop drinking
Awww, you two will make beautiful abortions together...
They thought we spoke German and French even though we just kept repeating "I give to you a cat" and "Are you drunk?"
Just doin' what I do best: sitting in a stall in the class building's bathroom, pondering life and exploring deep, dark corners of the internet before class.
a pansexual with facepaint started fucking a tall black girl on the bed i was sitting on so im going to mcdonalds
We've been here for ten minutes. She told me I wasn't "Irish enough", licked my tits, and then sprinkled green glitter on them.
Had a turkey baster with clean pee in it in my pants to pass a drug test, and the bottom fell off, so yeah I'm pretty pissed.
His cat watched us the ENTIRE time. Every time I glanced over the poor kitty looked at me as if I were pelvic thrusting her father to death.
Moral of the story: next time my plans include you and bourbon, I'm packing a toothbrush.
If those panties could talk.
"Once upon a time, Jenny got chlamydia from a magician. The end."
I sit across from him at graduation so I get to stare at him and think about how I fucked his step brother and laugh to myself
If he flies out here I will sleep with him. I have morals, but not when it comes to southern accents
Guess who just set half their backyard on fire.
Please tell me youre joking.
Nope. on the brightside though, im really gonna quit smoking this time.
Randomize
