those bitches were sniggering at my man-pris like they were goddesses of fashion!
...dude i pray you are quoting something, someone, anyone...
I fear hooking up with people who have white pillowcases because my guyliner always smears on it and i either have to A. sneak out in the night or B. wash it and see them again
dont worry your back hair reminds me of angel wings
ugh.. my birth control just came out of my nose. wtf?
she asked me if i wanted her to take her wedding ring off while she was giving me a handjob.
Threw up 3 times on the lawn mower and then proceeded to crash it into a tree root and break it.
She told me I was lying in front of her toilet for an hour saying "lasers."
My mom just told me to make sure my face isn't on the front cover of the newspaper on 4/21. Challenge accepted
I'm sorry but I have to break up with you. My wife is pregnant and can't have a girlfriend too.
Hahah. They reconnected again?
Like with his penis I guess
Apparently we stole a dog last night. I woke up and it was just staring at me. But we fed it left over KFC for breakfast so it's cool.
I warned you. Don't come crying to me when your vagina refuses to forgive you for this.
I mean if you can't appreciate a good looking dick then just get out.
Her boyfriend offered to buy me a vibrator. I'm not sure how to feel about that.
Don't come back. They don't have pants.
Oh god.
God has nothing to do with this.
Randomize
