You'll be the first to get a "it's herpes simplex 1" cigar.
I woke up with my 26er down my pants and a peice of paper stuck to my forehead with gum that said "tell it to the greek goddess beside me"
I just saw him at the bookstore and all I could think about was him licking your ass
just dropped my bong into 7 pieces, and carried the glass shards around my house. dad saw the blood dripping down my arms, and asked if i slit my wrists. way too high to laugh at this.
Hippo gnu deer
I've had more sex in the two weeks since we broke up than I ever had in any two weeks we were together.
dude wearing that thong all day was not worth the 7 bucks
you goin out tonight?
who is this.
your orgasm for tonight
About to go out with the girl of my dreams tonight. I am looking at one of her hottest fb pics, to practice not looking at her huge tits.
Also. When I die, I'm gonna have them put me in the casket naked and then have an open casket funeral. That will be my last chance to make people uncomfortable.
Can you come unlock the door? I just peed myself on the porch.
The poop emoji wasn't even in my recents. Does that mean I'm growing up?
Shit. My boss is having me meet and greet with the new doc upstairs. Do you think his doctor powers will detect that I'm still high?
Who the fresh hell put 2 pillows a raincoat and a guitar on top of me to keep me warm last night
Our sex sesh was interrupted by a bunch of hobos fighting outside his apartment.
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