what do you have against ST
DO NOT ABBREVIATE LIKE YOU AND STAR TREK ARE FRIENDS.
Don't ask how, but I'm pretty sure my name is now on a lease to a taco bell franchise in maryland...
I was just wished a Happy Valentine's Day by the (Mexican) Chinese food delivery guy. I've never had clearer "get your life together" message than that.
Riding on an electric horse at the grocery store... dunno how that conversation went but I hope you picked up a 12 pack.
He could have been a one armed faceless howler monkey. I was so slammered that I didn't care what I was having sex with or if whatever it was... was doing it right.
Come part with me. By you sleep! No fun. Idek feelings Sorry for your life.
I almost spit out my drink. But only almost, because it was vodka. And you don't spit out vodka.
The staples of my diet are Labatt Blue, Xanax, and brick cheese.
I should have never moved out...
I got you a "sorry you think I'm pregnant" present
I tried to walk home in my heels. And I fell into a snow bank. And then I cried and a policeman came up to me and said I can't sit in a snowbank and got me a cab. So maybe that's where I left my credit card. I remember the cop asking me if I was old enough to drink, too. OMG. How embarrassing. Pretty sure I told him to "leave me alone."
I said he looked like a lumberjack and that's when he came. I guess he liked the beard compliment?
I swear to the sweet baby jesus I didn't fill your freezer with salsa and my little pony toys, but I didn't stop them either.
Oh man I wish I could've gotten a picture of how many anti-circumcision stickers are on this Prius
Got arrested last night. My cell mate just added me on Facebook.
People don't believe me when I say the bruises are from work. They just smile and say "right." Trust me, I WISH my sex life was that exciting.
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