I had a disgustingly explicit dream last night involving myself and lil wayne.
Do you think there's anyone left in this world that hasn't masturbated in a computer chair?
Yeah i mean there's 3 guys fighting over me. It would just be bitchy of me not to get with at least 1.
With the way things had been going, I was never more excited for a person to cum
You know, it doesn't really count as a walk of shame if you guys showered together the next morning
Were you paying girls to come up and grab my cock and tell me I look like bradley Cooper?
I know. My only sports are biking to buy drugs and running from the police.
Hahahaaa There's this one girl crying hysterically and wrapped around (i believe) her ex's leg. He's trying to shake her off without spilling his beer. This is fucking priceless.
Just successfully made home fries from potatoes we used as bowls while stoned as shit. I deserve a trophy.
Grandma can hear your bong from the living room, please be more quiet. Love mom.
i just added a shot of fireball to my iced coffee. goodbye sobriety.
Just so were clear your wife is cut off from my dick.
She looked so much better when u didn't look at her and the music was too loud to hear her
I told my dad that he was in a band and he was all like " good job" and then he looked up the band and listened to their music and just went " oh have you disappointed me"
And you will die and be carried in a backpack before I allow you not to comply in this tomfoolery.
Randomize
