The Mets? Come back? That'd be like Nickelback writing a good song.
She challenged me to a game of rock-paper-scissors for her virginity. I love this girl.
I just took went to the bathroom and it smelt like blue curococo... I didn't flush yet so head on up if you wanna know what a good night smells like.
Hooking up with one of the deadbeat dads from Teen Mom does not qualify as banging a celebrity.
Get out here. Doing shots with the delivery guy. Also, the food is here
Saw a guy pass out and hit his head on a urinal. Laughing too hard to help him up
She asked if you knew her boyfriend, and you responded that you "think you gave him head once" and then hiccupped.
Just found an unopened tied g of coke on the floor in her room... she thinks the maintenance guy dropped it earlier today. This takes the cake for sketchiest apartment.
I told you he wasn't attractive.
Do you think I cared? I was wiping myself with a scarf..
I WOLD FCUK YUO INTOO THE MOON
THE MOOOOOOOON
Dude. I'm no longer allowed to use my sword when drinking. I just spent 20 min cleaning up popcorn. I stabbed Moe in the leg and chopped his door knob off
Dude. Woke up this morning wearing that chick's panties. 8/10, would recommend. I love tequila.
CURRENTLY PLAYING FLIP CUP WITH A WORLD SERIES CHAMPION
so.. please tell me you did not really sleep on the washing machine last night
guilty
Well I thought I saw everything and then I saw Christmas themed poop bags at Petco.
Randomize
