I was to big spoon the shit out of you right now
I'm so hungover and dru,k
oh jesus shes a lukewarm mess
so apparently the car got towed with me passed out in the back seat.
I cagt a turtle and named him squirt. He's in my bathtub Caleb is feeding me peaches! This is the most beautiful vodka Thursday ever!
He was like an artic tracker. Walked ten paces from the tree, then 15 paces from the mailbox, dug down in the snow, and pulled up the case of beer he hid from his parents out there. It tasted like ice cold success.
I'm thinking about wearing a strap-on just to freak him out the next time he pulls my pants off.
Sometimes I think about the fact that I lost my virginity while watching anime and I wonder what that says about me
She showed up after 3 hours and proceded to make us all feel like resonable human beings. I dont know how she did it but she did it.
Before you jump in that vagina remember there's a reason we call her Infectonator.
I spent last night dying strippers pubes green and landscaping shamrocks. That is why hands look like I squashed a leprechaun.
I haven't heard from him yet. He's either still asleep (which is entirely plausible..... There wasn't much sleeping happening last night) or he's robbing me blind. But I have renters insurance, so either way, I'm ok with it.
I woke up this morning to find myself laying in a beer puddle with "I'm sorry" written on the shaft of my dick and Nicole was nowhere to be found. Gotta love her
She played the piano. I played the piano. She got on top of the piano. I got on top of her.
Talk all the shit you want but I slept in a oversized monster truck tire last night.
I think the heterosexuals across the hall are negotiating about breeding. How do I figure out which one is against it and back them up?
Randomize
