the 24 hour champagne diet aint going so well
My mom is such a hoarder. I found a deer candelabrum last night, it had antlers has candle holders. It was like a redneck menorah.
My Grampa even called her out for being a cock block at the bar...it was that serious
I am particularly sorry about getting dome in your backseat. And for thinking you wouldn't notice.
The kid that passed out is still in the bathtub filled with ice and the empties
Even jesus won't love me after tonight. I'm going hard.
Im deleting that text because its a possible ncaa violation
Naked Twister starts at high noon
I packed spaghetti and rum. But panties? Nah
They switched jackets and you didn't notice. You made out with both of them and had no idea
There was a pumpkin carving contest and we carved a very realistic dick about to penetrate a vagina. Our Christian Youth hosts were not happy.
Only at Harvard can you walk in on a bunch of stoners and expect everyone to immediately stand up, shake your hand and introduce themselves like we're at a fucking job fair
He's drinking on a hospital bracelet, the fuck's your excuse?
If you keep giving me that glorious dick ill bake you some cookies
Hey do u remember the time we used my mascara wand as a drink stirer?
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