I should be sponsored by Trojan
he recorded me cumming with the t-pain app on his iphone
I really hope I'm not the first person who's had to wash vomit off of cash and credit cards.
his genitalia just looks like a thumbs up. a really really small thumbs up.
THAT stays in the CAR. And if one fucking person who was NOT in the car brings it up, I will KILL you. Thank you.
..So we should take it off Youtube?
She rolled over this morning and asked "did you refer to my vagina as splash mountain last night? "
I see you've set aside this special time to humiliate yourself in public.
well someone pooped in the lint basket in the laundry room last night, but none of us will admit to it so we're all just secretly judging each other and doubting ourselves.
I wore granny panties last night to ensure I didn't sleep with him. He said they made me seem more mature. I need a new plan
There is a 5-year old here fighting 'drunk monkeys'. He tried to knock a drink out of my hand with a plastic light saber...
Whoever roofied me last night owes me a new pair of white jeans
it is my last wish that my tale be published posthumously as a warning to anyone thinking of eating burger king at nine am
I hate ovaries. They're horrible little sacs of satanic enmity.
That's the most poetic description of female anatomy I've ever heard.
I woke up naked in this guys bed and the first thing I start saying is it's super bowl Sunday like I was yelling
Dude come over...were drunk and I'm holding a T-shirt gun and discovered beer cans are the same size as rolled shirts.
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