You are possibly the most enthusiastic, likable bad influence I've ever met.
dude, best porn name ever, "the Hunt for Red Cocktober"
definition of desperate: He gave me his SC drivers license so i wouldn't forget to facebook him.
My brother just put in eyedrops to talk to my mom on the phone
You may have noticed the broken smoke detector and melted carpet. We may have accidentally lit a ping pong ball on fire...I'm sorry, but we did our best.
Nah I'm perfectly content solely banging the married bartender once a week.
That's practically a relationship for you
I don't know if it was his cologne or his Jesus hair, but he was much more fuckable than last time I saw him.
Now that I think about it, it may have been the 6 pitchers of beer.
Me too. We could do it like prostitutes. No kissing on the mouth.
I'm really glad that we can be casual hook up buddies. This is a true friendship. Now, please convince your roommate to do the same. Thanks.
I just rolled over in bed and felt a bump. Turns out it was a lil nug. Talk about being princess and the weed.
in the midst of studying i picked up my capsule full of untouched weed, popped it open, and whispered "soon" into it. midterms man
fries before guys. food before dudes. shakes before dates. chips before dicks. lemon bars before football stars. macaroni before screwin' tony. what i'm saying is please come to ladies' night
The man at the checkout said "Somebody's not fucking around".
It's gonna be a good night
So, random question. How much should you tip a Lyft driver when you realized you've fucked his sister? Asking for a friend.
dude the water is back on, you can stop shitting under the tree . . .
Randomize
