Only a mothe r could love this liver
I have to tell you about my conversation with the cloud dragon!
At Wal-Mart last night I watched two guys scramble for $4.34 to pay for a pack of ping pong balls and red solo cups. They had to put the .34 on a credit card. Winter break begins!
we're going to dress like we're asking for it, because we are
The stripper had a daughter my age and offered to introduce us. I didn't know what to say to that.
i just woke up reverse cowgirl on my couch. fully clothed. my laptop is on the floor sideways. blasting gay porn and lady gaga. pizza crust everywhere. goodmorning.
You remember that guy i fucked in Ireland who stopped in the middle to talk about why he had 8 pillows on his bed? Yeah he's following me on twitter...
The guy at the Apple store said the warranty does NOT cover getting cum out of the keyboard. I can't believe I believed you.
A little sexual choking never killed anyone. And if it did, they died happy.
Congratulations on your downgrade, shes one hell of a 5
Jimmy johns delivers to the bar behind work. Happy vodka day!
I've made a single handle of rum last like three weeks and my mom hasn't even acknowledged it.
Dude, no, you tried to sleep on the stove. I mean. You were pissed when I stopped you... but I couldn't have you catching on fire in my house.
I just had a flashback to me puking and you telling me it was okay because my boobs still looked awesome.
eating a weed cupcake with nutella on top at work. i AM a star!
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