This cookie i'm eating tastes like pizza. It was so worth contacting my sister for pot.
Currently looking for a new liver on ebay. Struggle.
My gynecologist just commented on how well my vagina was waxed
She fell asleep on the sidewalk and people starting using her as a hurdle
my greatest accomplishment from the city of diplomacy is that i puked at a table of 5 diplomats and my professor and NONE OF THEM NOTICED
i had choclate birthday cake for breakfast and am currently flossing my teeth w a condom wrapper. at work. hot mess for 200 alex
Was that you I seen riding on the top of a cab? Way to start the new year
Fell twice in five points. on my face. literally during a cross walk. The cars just went around me. 21st birthday memories right there
No it's only my right leg that feels like it's about to fall off. The left is fine.
Let's go dancing. I wanna sprain an ankle. And a labia. My labia or yours. I'm not picky.
damnit. I just found my cousin on tinder.
I just realized how terrible that was... I was drumming on your penis to a song about Baby Jesus.
The last I heard from her she said she was going to plant sunflowers, get drunk on white wine and listen to Everybody Wants to Rule the World on repeat.
I just mixed tangerine juice with sauv blanc. on an unrelated note, my episide of intervention is slated to run in April.
Boredom is so much more tolerable when you're stoned off your ass.
Randomize
