So there is this guy preaching the word of God outside our club. I went up to him and said, "God made this body, and he made it for premarital sex." Sup, Hell?
you know that hot chick that stutters? talk about an awkward orgasm
STOP SENDING ME DANCING JESUS FORWARDS.
tell me why there is a bowl of oatmeal from starbucks in my purse
while you laid on the ground I poured water into your mouth out of dog bowl some random guy walks by and said now that's what I like to see.
I thought about puking over the balcony or the bathroom and figured the balcony seemed much funner.
there are teeth marks in the soap. why are there teeth marks in the soap.
I'm helping my Mormon ex boyfriend from high school embrace his inner cross dresser. This is truly god's work.
Grandpa just put 6 jello shots on his plate. My aunt tried to take them away; he flipped her off. Living in the retirement home has hardened him.
WHITE RUSSIAN BREAKFAST CEREAL.
nm just hungover. watching movies and roasting marshmallows in bed, over a candle to avoid life
He told me I smelled like fruit loops and then bit me on the tit
I have 80 very blurry photos of you on a stripper pole...
There's lube on my homework. #priorities
Can you please bring the nipple sombrero up?
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