Not gonna happen. She just told me she puts glitter over the mole on her nose to make it look like a piercing.
Not too sure about the toy story pull ups. The kids point to their crotch all day and say woody.
So if we break up over this are you still gonna come over and do my dishes?
Yeah I'm about to go down a waterslide that comes out a 2nd story window. I love college.
I got a Luke Skywalker costume so I can go do battle with the homeless guy who plays the fiddle dressed as Darth Vader downtown.
Can we put your name for the shipping address for penis ice luge?
Overdraft my account again. Parents are starting to ask questions. What would go over better a gambling or drug addiction??
She gave me a handjob at the dinner table while her dad was carving the turkey. I made eye contact with him. Im pretty sure he knew.
I can get there in 20, one question, Drress Code? Stripper Lite (make up may require an additional 5-10 minutes), Suggestive Professor (professor Kamil's cleavage ain't got nothing on me), Daywear, Dyke (and trust me you ain't seen dyke), or Exactly What I'm Wearing Right Now. (all of the above may arrive under a coat and are subject to my level of sobriety. Which is currently like nonexistent).--xoxo you know you love me, Gossip Girl.
You are hereby uninvited from future Turnt Tuesdays until further notice.
I have a tab of a google image search of onion rings open and it is making me so happy.
He's got the most well kempt beard I've ever seen and I need it between my thighs is basically what I'm saying
Do NOT approach him. He has sex with everything. LITERALLY everything, and I DO mean everything. He's so horny we once caught him with his dick in a pumpkin. A legitimate honest to God pumpkin that he bored a hole in
my very deepest apologies for the unintentional cock block.
I am high. And my mom surpised me today. Now i am high and with my mom....bad idea
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