if i could have babies with my dog i totally would cause i know thay would be fucking hott babies.
when im not freaking out about dying alone and unloved, i actually really enjoy being single
At least he could have found a MILF, she's a dbl bagger. No wonder he goes to counseling.
Yeah..you can't spell Prozac without Zac(h).
My google history shows every combination of "red lobster cheesy biscuits" possible.
still in the ER. she tried to shotgun a bottle of corona
Know of anyone who would be interested in trading weed for meatballs?
therea a video of her dad walking in while i screamed "lets have a fashion show!" and fell off the table
I deleted his number so I had to go into my old voicemails which are saved through my gmail and search his name... Never underestimate the resourcefulness of a drunk girl on a mission for dick
Girl, that was the lost night of 2012 for me and I have buried that night deep deep away..
I think there's an ice cream truck out back, but there's no way I can get pants on in time to catch it
Lack of response to this text gains you a half hour of freedom before I initiate operations to conclude you are not, in fact, comatose. You requested no mercy.
"Masturbate" is an actual item on an actual ToDo list of mine. It is at the top.
How many hotdogs are you going to eat today?
THE LIMIT DOES NOT EXIST.
Like did he really think I just hit him up for dick !? It's 11:30 am , these ain't hoe hours
Everyone needs to leave the house so I can use the good vibrator without being judged.
Randomize
