I'm about to tackle a 10 year old off a sea doo
That's fuckin bs. I had the bouncers beat by 30 yards til that dumbshit on the moped stopped in front of me.
I haven't found him passed out in the living room covered in noodles for a while now so I guess he's getting better with the drinking.
foreskin is a definite game changer
There's a naked man in my car right now.
Is this a drinking picnic?
Is there another kind?
Trimming my pubes at 1 AM, drunk, listening to Stevie Ray Vaughn. What has become of me.
Jesus christ stop updating me about every aspect of your life.
Brett got me a cake with a pic of me shitting
I DMed the cop that arrested me to come unlock my keys out if my car today
Her hookup left his underwear and shorts in the dorm last night... What he was wearing when he left, we may never know.
Sooooooo, maybe just fucked on a motorcycle.
Just once I'd like to go out and not have to tell you to put your pants back on.
You told me I got kicked out of the bar for lipping off to the bouncers... what shocked me the most was that I made it to the bar
if you go to jail tonight, call call me. i wanna get out of work
I got confused. The music was loud, porn was playing, people were grinding, there were hand jobs.
Randomize
