I am coming home for anal
* a nap*
i wonder if she has dreads down there too...
Just tried to use the bottle of Sprite in my car as mouthwash to get the taste of puke out of my mouth- it's half vodka. Puked again. Thanks man.
The fact that you think you peed off a roof shows you shouldn't have been on a roof.
I just horrified a large group of people. Congrats on dating me.
I need you to help me convince Steph that she will like Tequila if she would chase it with A-1
I hear the sound of that stray bird you rescued from the kitchen but am too busy drunkenly masturbating to feed it
You know he really cares when he gives you one of those on-the-go toothbrushes for your walk of shame before running to work
I made him an O's fan. One pic of my tits coming out of a Baltimore shirt and it was done.
Why do you hate her?
She's dating the best penis that has ever entered my vagina.....
Dude I should have just gone home with the guy with dreads and the cat
I gave him head while despicable me 2 played in the background. I think I disappointed the minions
I deserve this hangover.
I am coming home with the worst sun burn of my life, two unused condoms, and an unworn slutty dress. Worst. Bachelorette. Party. Ever.
It's fucking 2020, I should be able to watch Netflix in the buff while making brownies without you getting preachy about it.
Randomize
