where are you
in your bedroom
how did you get in
your wife…
WTF
you're bored at work aren't you?
I'm toying with the idea of beating off under my desk
no, i dont want the owner to like me bc i dedazzled my vagina
Drunk fuck. Had to tell him that the 5 second rule does not apply when your in the bathroom at the hockey game.
no really all good couples have similar hair colors!
You have more facebook pictures than most towns have people.
this one can actually spell my name, that's a shoe-in
grilled cheese. we just shotgunned grilled cheese.
Dudes got a Polo tattoo. I don't care if he has a yacht I can't handle that level of gay.
I wrote my name on his balls in sharpie. In the homosexual world that's like a diamond ring. Shits permanent.
Can we make a pact that if we're 40 and still sluts that aren't married we can get civil unioned the fuck up and raise an asian baby as our own?
no, but he did start crying. who the fuck is 30, covered in tattoos and crys about an ex? get your shit together, man.
Are you coming to the bday night? i'll be doing a life-like reenactment of traveling through Bonnie's vaginal canal and taking my first breath of life. Don't think you'll want to miss it.
I can bring a slip n slide and curtains.
When a best friend shows up on a tricycle with a case a beer and goes "get on loser" you get on, because there is a magical adventure afoot
YOU'D BE LIKE A MERMAID! I'll bring you coffee filters to cover your tits.
Randomize
