i fuckib htae you, you church bitch.
it's like your virginity...sometimes you have to pretend like it's still there
At a pool hall. Dudes walkin around with fuzzy handcuffs cuffed to his belt. The douche bag level grows higher still
as we waited for a manager to come open the door that we broke while having sex on the wall, we decided to go round two in the hallway before he came back.. god i love hotels.
it was either a really good one night stand or a really really good first date. thank you online dating
want the rest of his teeth to fall out while he slowly dies alone. Pretty sure I'm to the anger phase.
Wait so they unscrewed the bathroom door to find you naked?
i figure now that we're number one party school im obligated to black out at least 4 days a week. andddd go.
As I am reading this. I'm standing in my underwear eating taquitos. I'm saying this in the most loving way possible: FUCK OFF.
Like there's an 87% chance I'll end up on the bedroom floor demanding sex while freestyling in your face. I'm going to buy rum.
It was over as soon as he asked if he could name my vagina pancake.
If I had pants on, you wouldn't be getting this text message
I will have you again some day my love. And our divorce will be magnificent
I currently hiding in an upside down garbage can please come find me
Double-fisting ice cream and wine. Do not send help.
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