woke up to the trail of sugar cubes leading to my bed........was i that uncooperative last night
I found your bra. How you get it off the satellite dish is your problem.
The bouncer was being really rude for no reason. Steph PICKED him up and physically MOVED him from our path on the way out.
Well thats the pro of going out drinking with a pro body builder. Even if its a girl.
You went down on Rachel in front me last night. Worst. Brother. Ever.
you ate the make a wish sign. Like actually chewed on it. It was our solution to going outside when the cops were there
Piñatas plus fireworks don't mix well
Ah well. Drinking wouldn't be drinking without mystery bruises
Agreed.
The hardest part about being a child of divorce is when you're at your dad's house but your condoms are at your mom's house.
oh and apparently my boobs are named "have no fear" and "plenty o'beer"
She posted a pic of her bf on ig wishing him a happy bday at midnight. She then proceeded to have sex with me. Who is the bday boy again?
How the hell could he be confused. He had a naked girl running to him. I feel like he would enjoy that.
I just puked on a sprinkler…Motherfucker tried to spray me
Ugh. It's days like these that make me wish my bad habits would kill me faster
I'm doing my accounting homework with my vibrator. Guess whose numbers are balanced on the financial statement? This ladys!
All I know is I woke up in the back seat of my car, with the engine on, and my gps navigated to florida.
Randomize
