I'm surprised I didn't puke tonight
i just went dwnstairs and there are 5 guys without their shirts on hugging each other. i think i should leave now
i either got mauled last night by a velociraptor or an angry lipstick lesbian. could have been both
So that's a yes to the cocaine usage and a no to the rollerblading
They should make Jack Daniels chap stick
while fucking on the counter the whip cream was conveniently right next to us. i love thanksgiving
I found it funny that her boobs actually kinda felt like a bag of sand. the 40 year old virgin should feel better about himself.
she moved to the other side of town, do you realize how far i gotta walk to get a blow job???
The voicemail says i shouldn't bother ever showing my face there again, i don't understand
We visited your boss last night. guess you wont be paying the rent this month, eh?
I legitimately woke up with a girl trying to snort cocaine off my dick.
I puked all over his apartment, then slept with the skinniest girl here. Which isn't saying much in Ohio.
Wrapped in a blanket, just ate a whole party pizza. All my dreams are coming true and you don't even care.
Do pleather leggings scream im easy on a first date?
Driving you two to the party with a keg belted into the back seat has given me a brief glimpse of parenthood. I am now more resolved than ever to never breed, so thanks for that.
WTF moment this morning: we were getting ready to leave and he reaches under his mattress to pull out his gun. All I could do was look at him and go "really?!"
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