"you've got the devil in yuh. the curse of Jesus is coming on your sex soon." That's what a homeless guy just told me.
I just don't understand how my upright asian catholic roommate is getting more than me.
At least you didnt end up topless in a Tina Turner wig singing cabaret tunes
i dedicated my morning wood to you.
Dude turns out her best friend is lesbian...there is no wingman for this situation
i just got cockblocked by a guy drinking wine straight out of the bottle with a straw...
I shouldn't have had sex with her. I feel that I may have opened a pandora's vagina
I took your shirt off for you after you threw up on yourself, read you the ugly duckling, and then tucked you in. you better fucking love me, jackass.
still drunk. talking shit to the doc drawing my blood. this has no upside
I went up to get a drink from the hotel room. And ended up getting arrested in the lobby. Spring break has not been forgiving this year.
I'm gonna have to fantasize about her dying just to get off.
Seriously though, you almost tore my right nipple off.
ripping the fire alarm off the wall probably seemed like a better idea last night than it really was.
He told me to be careful with the shrooms because he mostly had caps left. He sounded apologetic but that's the best news all week.
So i know i said I'm turning over a new leaf, but i met a guy with a dick piercing. I have to sleep with him. For science.
Randomize
