I always see him when I'm wearing my ripped pants. I think its because of the hole in the crotch. My vag sends out supersonic "I'm horny" waves to him. Otherwise the calls are muffled.
My face smells like last night's lay. I need a whore bath. Or a corndog.
How is it that lesbians won't hit on me at a gay club, but they'll hit on me every time I go to Walmart?
I just smoked a bowl in the dining room and am now drinking a glass of chocolate milk. i can't believe i'm getting paid for this.
Make good choices ;) This is your automated cockblock message
Yes theres a double standard. Get over it. Fuck the critics and go be the slut you were born to be
My vagina is depressed thinking about her future.
He called my vagina a rainforest. This is coming from a guy whose pubes are longer than his dick.
I don't even want to think about the kind of person who would shit in the street before 10pm on a Sunday.
I had her number in my wallet, I was sitting on a winning ticket for the blowjob lottery and didn't know
Of all the shitty people we associated with, you should be happy that I'm the one fucking your cousin. Sorry.
She sat next to me on the couch and said "word going around is you got a sweet cock". My nickname problem was solved!
No worries, I've prioritized my homework into "can do drunk" and "should be sober" categories. We're good.
I'm dangerously close to tossing this whole "morals" bullshit and swan-diving into the fuckboy lifestyle.
I text the word "masturbation" so much, all it only takes my iPhone to auto-spell it is for me to type "mas".
Randomize
