the truckdriver in the lane next to me just looked down and motorboated in my direction.
You are colorful like whore, yet adorable, like sad puppy. You need more drink.
high. he's playing 'oops i did it again' on the ukelele. is this real life?
There is literally a guy in my class with a gallon of water and a trophy.
for once, the $56 i am about to pay for plan b was actually worth the sex.
I have fruit by the foot roll-ups. I wonder if a man could tie them together and make an editable bra....
Every man needs a table where they can sit and reflect on the successful penile conquests of the day.
Well apparently I decided it was easier I piss in the trash can at waffle house than In the toilet. Would've been ok if the trash can was in the bathroom.
New rule for Thursdays: no high gymnastics
You went into the shower with my roommate and cursed him out asking why he was there
Pretty sure my idea of standards went out the window when I hooked up with a guy who had a rooster tattoo with an arrow pointing down to his no no bits. Think about it.
He texted me at 3am that you cut your hand at the bar and were bleeding all over.
I woke up to a text thinking you bled out at a bar, turns out you got your butthole licked.
I'll be home soonish I need 4th of July sex, it's the American thing to do.
Did you see her happy birthday to emily on facebook? The gist of it is like: hey emily you almost died at birth im glad you didn't. love mom.
We're playing drunken roulette. We're taking exlax followed by shots. First person to shit themselves loses!
Randomize
