How fat would you say she has to be before I can consider this a threesome
You wouldn't stop asking the hibachi cook if his knife was a hattori hanzo
You told my mother that her salad dressing tasted like semen.
She asked me to cum on her. ON her. I think we're out of the friend zone
And by that I mean I told her the plot of the first batman movie as my life and it took her like 20 minutes to figure it out
At the party. I feel like I just walked into a lifesize blunt.
Some old truck driver just made me smell his beard I hope tonight turns out better
You and Eric are like slutty bowling balls, and that poor family are the pins. They won't know what hit em.
strike, motherfucker.
I just texted him and asked him to keep some in case I need help sealing the deal.
Girl Scout cookies are like roofies for fat chicks.
Please don't pee your pants in the cab. One more time, and im pretty sure the cab companies will refuse to pick you up anymore
We got high and watched Winnie the Pooh. Isn't that what every normal person does on their break?
The next time you scream bombs away when you are inside me will be the last time you are inside me
He nailed that bed down really well so it won't break again. All I could think while he was nailing it was "challenge accepted".
That was fun and all, but let's never have sex on a ladder ever again.
i need to get crying drunk at the bar more often. i end up going home with guys who have big penises. its like God is saying "there, there, this will cheer you up".
Randomize
