By the way the fattest man alive got married yesterday and I don't even have a boyfriend.
Men with bald spots should not have mohawks. Just in case you didn't know.
96 perecent sure i just took a shower with socks
The best was having to tell my 16y/o cuz and her bf that we could see him fingering her in the inner tube. Lucky for them, I'm the cool cousin... and was river-level fuckedup.
Coming out of the blackout mid beej was nice. Seeing her face was not.
I've woken up in some weird places in my lifetime, but never in a tent in my own garage.
i was like his sober eyes girls would come up to us, show us theirs and if approved by me blew him, if rejected they went to my truck with a bottle of patron
I have 7 papers to write and I already bought gas station ice cream in my pjs and questioned whether or not a beer float was a thing.
he stole a smokey from the street meat vendor and put it in his pocket when she wasn't looking and now we're drinking avocado margaritas
I'm floating on a 30mph cloud right now not giving a fuck
I legit just swiped right with a Tinder feminist just to get in an argument with her. Soo that's my Friday night so far...
What shade of lipstick clearly states, I'm only attending this wedding for the drugs and groomsmen?
He's getting so into these sexts, I hate to tell him I'm fully clothes, watching Bring It On and eating chips and salsa.
all I remember the next morning was crawling through the doggy door and finding my underwear in my purse
So how do u get your coat out of the coat room when someone is fucking on it?
Randomize
