Okay you totally passed out. Ask me about the bike parking garage and the expired baby formula in the morning.
I think I just met the technical qualifications for binge drinking in five minutes
How did your new apartment party go last night?
I'm really happy i have a bigger bathroom to puke in.
My mom just used the words "ice cunt". It may be an interesting day afterall.
Heading to the gym, the one that guy said he goes to. Already checked online, his class is at 5. And no, this isn't too much after meeting him last night. Stop judging me,
Do you think it'd be inappropriate to have an I'm Not Keeping My Baby Party the day after her baby shower?
SORRY! Pervert came out for a bit. BAD PERVERT! BACK IN YOUR HOME!
I want you inside of me and on top of me and under me and behind me
Basically I need you to be like god, just fucking everywhere
Awkward is sitting in your parking spot and making eye contact with every one of your next door neighbors two hours before you have a threesome.
The stock is going waaaaay up on that picture of my pussy with a bowtie on it.
I felt kinda awkward walking into his house in nothing but lingerie and my dead grandmas overcoat
I was totally pumped and so was my beard
So, no matter what happens today, hold on to this. At least you're not naked under your ex husband's trench coat being stopped by the police who also work with your ex husband. Long story. Actually, not a long story. That's it.
Was I drunk or did Alex not show up with 100 rainbow Jell-O shots?
My penis definitely considers my Captain Cock costume a success
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