After he proceded to violently molest my tits until 9 am i snuck out of his room only to meet his mother downstairs, who informed me she heard the giant sexfest going on in the room next to them.. this was before she called us both "chickenshits".. worst walk of shame ever.
And that's when he stuck his finger up his own ass to prove it would feel good...
Highlight of my evening, pile of books falling onto me in front of people
i'm at a baby shower....never been happier to not be having sex currently
we were holding hands throwing up into the same garbage can; if thats not true love i dont know what is .
i have a "get your shit together" dinner with my parents tonight. After that ill be down to party
did you know that snuggie is the perfect anti-freak out aid for stoners? it weighs you down so you can't go anywhere. just sit there and enjoy the movie, that's right.
Home, forcing the cats to make out. Someone should get some.
I feel like I'm taking part in a surprise porno. At least my hair looked good.
I AM THE KING OF THE FRESHMEN
how did i know this would happen?
Bone him for me, BONE HIM TWICE FOR ME.
She knocked me and my drink to the ground with her ass. I have never been mad at someone for having a glorious booty.
I feel as though I look like a mom with a substance abuse problem
i wish i could say that was the first 40 year old woman from the circus I nailed
I think I'm taking after my dog, I just want to hump everything
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