im pretty sure i tried to attack the vending machine last night
lol who won
well im in the hospital right now so u tell me
I'm not looking forward to the waking up early part. Or actually the wedding part. Or the reception part. But I am looking forward to the meaningless sex with some random guy I meet at the reception part.
if this week's events in iraq have taught me anything, it's that when pulling out, always expect a mess...
You told him your wedding ring was part of your costume. not okay!!
i just burped and it tasted like condom. please tell me i wasn't lame and made that guy wear one for a bj last night.
why oh why did i suck thise tits. nothing but trouble fuuuuuu
slow down on the beer.. we don't need another pentabong projectile hot dog incident
I'm lonelier than Tom Hanks in Cast Away, right meow. Ready to make this bong my Wilson.
All i remember about last night is holding a bottle of bacardi and screaming challenge accepted!
Well it's been 24 hours and I still feel like a mammoth sat on my balls
I just came so hard my hamstring felt like it was going to tear. I am also now a screamer
I also woke up in a guys bed in a Reptar shirt yesterday morning staring at a movie theater sized poster of the not as popular Air Bud franchise movie Super Buddies.
I got so drunk that I peed my bed...and all over him. The ironic thing is that he slept in his swimming trunks.
she walked up to me at the bar, kissed me, andthen declared "I HAVEN'T SEEN YOU OR YOUR PENIS SINCE 2011."
Stop making fun of my hookups!
Stop getting hookups that I can make fun of!
Randomize
