Oh My! A car just drove by me a splashed me with a wave of water. I am drenched and soaking wet!
I am sorry--all I heard is that you are wet.
I woke up this morning and was hoping we drank enough last night to have a unicorn drawn on my wrist. Good News: We did.
oral is when you put your mouth on someones privates and play moterboat or popsicle
The worst mistakes make the best memories. Write that down.
I mean, once you get beat with a dildo you can't look at someone the same
Oh yeah forgot to mention that I referred to myself as the oral sex heavyweight champion last night
I need to reevaluate. My boss gave me drug money. I overslept on my couch. And I had my student teacher go to McDonald's and get an egg mcmuffin for me.
he can get married early and ruin his life but he sure as hell isn't ruining mine with a shitty bachelor party
My orifices are off limits as long as you have that stache. Your call.
Well at least ssomeone is or the state is tafing over ir in twligiob
You ever sit back and realize our friendship is based off us ranting at each other with random animal photos thrown in
A picture of a damn cupcake brought back 3 fuckboys
sorry didn’t mean to call you, i was just trying to put the t-rex emoji beside your name
I have a burn on my hand, I'm covered in bruises, I think my toe is broken, and I have no clothes to wear home.
You do realize last night you asked me if shampoo had an expiration date then cried for 15 mins when I told you it did
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