It's like I'm the Little Bo Peep of sheparding dicks.
Only someone with your twisted mind could come up with that simile. Do you sit around and read 'How to turn Beloved Childrens Stories into Sexual Analogies?' This is the 3rd time you've done this.
I just discovered cum stains from two different guys on my wall. I don't know whether to be proud or horrified.
I cant feel my face. Like I dont even know if I have one. I wish I had a helmet
I should not be in class today. For the professors sake.
So our 'date' consisted of getting drunk off champagne at four and photo-bombing the shit out of tourist's pictures all over the city. Thoughts?
I asked for a steak knife but the waitress could see in my eyes it was a bad idea
Neil John just started open mouth kissing everyone to make sure they are safe.
I paused the movie when the delivery guys arrived, and while they were assembling the bed, one of the guys pointed to the tv and said "why so serious?" And it made the whole experience happy.
I guess she fell asleep at the strip club and the other one was crying because she had a vagina in her face. Happy 21st!
HE JUST ALLUDED TO FUCKING MY FRESH LOAF OF BREAD
You blacked out at 9:30 and insisted on sleeping in the hallway after you chugged an entire pitcher of beer. I guess the Jell-O shots were stronger than we thought...
My ass is underappreciated
They walked into the house to see me in my neon pink knee high socks trying to pull you out of the cat carrier by your legs...
Long story short I ended up getting choked out by a really hot guy in the girls bathroom at a bar last night
He was singing on top of spaghetti, and then started crying. He said it was the saddest song ever, "so so sad".
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