Only in Alabama do they play hymns in a bar!!!
After going down on me he either said "there, it's over" or "there's an odor"... I couldn't hear him and was too embarrassed to ask him to repeat himself. I just got dressed, grabbed my bag, and left. So I don't think there's gunna be a second date. =(
Please stop trying to convince people that you're retarded and I suck your dick in the same conversation.
Just woke to a Christmas wrapped pack of hotdogs in my bathtub. How high did we get?
Definitely just saw a grown man at wal mart wearing high heels and carrying a baby
What the fuck were you doing at wal mart?
I know I said I was done dating 22 year olds but it's not my fault all the guys my age gave up on life and got fat
we are torturing ourselves with these mediocre cocks
im taking a nap outside. wake me up in an hour.
way to go to work and not wake me up. when you get home youre rubbing me with aloe and giving me a blowjob. no excuses
I just had to MC for a middle school event with jizz on my dress. I'm going to hell.
I am not working on the very first day I can throw up alcohol that I legally bought and drank.
The bald guy bought me a shot so I chugged it and then walked out to the middle of the dance floor and told an old woman that might be your moms twin to bend it over...We didn't end on a good note though. Dude she stepped on my vans.
Nipple rings and loofahs DO NOT mix.
Laziness has hit a new level. I'm out of clean sexy underwear and meeting a boy tonight so I'm having a thong delivered via post mates.
We power houred with shots of red wine. Somehow we ended up with 7 bottles and lost Chris. Trying to find him this hungover is proving very unsuccessful.
You don't understand. This boy has the Mona Lisa of cocks.
Randomize
