my iphone just auto-corrected drink to drnknghhhg...
A guy in a big stork costume just came to our meeting to give us condoms and t-shirts telling us not to get pregnant. Only at college
Miss Michigan hasn't even been Miss USA for 24hrs and already stripper pole pics are surfacing. Classy.
I'm hard boiling eggs, drinking rum, and talking to my 8 year old brother about the 10's times tables. This is what thursday is all about.
And then out of the blue she sent me a youtube video mashup of cats puking to techno music
If you have a glass table... Put it up. I don't wanna hurt myself again, I just got my stitches out...
They were taking shots out of the caps of perfume bottles. This is too much for me.
Well for starters, her tits were hairy.
I should work for the FBI. Or planned parenthood.
That's quite a broad spectrum. What did you do?
If there is a heaven, that's what it will be. Bagel Bites and cunnilingus.
I'll do my best. he just keeps yelling beer and doing dick helicopters
Oh I'm sorry does your girlfriend send you better pictures of things in her ass? No? Didn't think so. Remember that the next time you wanna complain how I don't make the first move enough.
I woke up with a captain's hat on my desk.
I had to explain to the doctor why I'm peeing blood. He still didn't believe a girl would have that much sex... You could feel the judgement forming in the room when I went into the details...
Damn, well a girls gotta get laid too
My theme for the night was drink diego drink! Unfortunately Dora was not there to navigate me to the bathroom
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