have you ever wondered what it would feel like to stick those coneheads in your vaj
omg every time its on
He went soft
Wait. During?
Yeah, he was IN. MY. MOUTH.
Yeah, I think they knew. I smelled like that telltale combination of strippers and Easter.
That little tingle vodka gives me in my esphagus is what lets me know I'm still alive.
Then you jumped in the pool because your were convinced the scratches on your neck from the cat were gills and you could breathe underwater.
I feel like telling him your vigina was older than him was not a good pick up line.
You pole danced in your parka.
I can't even properly respond cuz I'm ballsdeep in falafel
I'm trying to get WebMD to diagnose me with a hangover
Just seen a chubby version of you. Nearly kidnapped her. Perfect woman
One day we'll be rich enough to go to rehab. Until then, fuck it.
I will forever remember this as The Great Jalepeno Cock Burn of 2014.
So this was during drunk golfing. She started wacking me off on the ninth hole and an old couple rolls up next to us. And Says "hey gu- oh my golly" and while my penis is in her hand I'm like "sorry you guys can play through"
Nothing says girls night like wine cheese and pregnancy tests 😂
Dude i just passed out while getting head...she cried
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