Please come pick me up? I sleep walked to planned parenthood again.
It was the worst sex ever. All she did was tap on my balls with her hands like she was in a reggae band.
I told him "thank you for wearing a turtleneck yesterday, I no longer have a strong erg to have sex with you. " He is no longer speaking to me.
just when i thought i had forgotten how badthe sex was he comes across campus solely to say hi
I told her that if she blew me I would give her the empty pizza box in the fridge.... Why did she agree?
Unlimited sex for unlimited netflix. I can deal with that. I think this is the first prostitution deal for netflix ever.
The ice cream man just told me to use protection.
He ate me out while I was wearing a tiara.... I think I could get used to this
Waking up next to a 3 inch puddle of water in my kitchen with a bathing suit on...what the fuck went on lastnight
I wound up gambling on giant connect four with the bartender. I think he saw my boobs.
The only thing I know is that these arent my shoes and Aaron is missing and he has my house keys.
Also, next time I go get a wax, I'm gonna ask the girl about the innie to outie ratio she sees on the daily.
Already drunk, almost got in a fight with a bunch of irish chicks. And another with canadians. On my way to get a tattoo. I plan to regret this trip.
Can you dump a guy for having pierced nipples or is that shallow?
She's like a cask of Amontillado. Very tempting if I was drunk, but sober, I know I'll get fucked over in the end.
Randomize
