i just wanna skin you and wear you like last years versace.
you may have the big hair, fake nails, and talk with a fake accent, but you will NEVER be a housewife from new jersey so STOP TRYING.
According to Glamour magazine, experiencing sexual pleasure helps you live longer. I am dying an early death.
and i had to drink on "never have i ever unsuccessfully tried to seduce a virgin ginger"
You were dancing on the bar and fell off into the arms of the hot bartender. It was like a fairy tale, with more alcohol.
so high i just made my own version of grilled cheese using toast and spray cheese
here comes the puke
He just kept yelling "body massage machine go" at random intervals throughout the night
I guess I really am the only person in this world who can successfully have a no-strings-attached threesome on the beach.
We've completely outdone ourselves. We packaged a collective total of six grams of pot and salvia into little bowl-sized tinfoil capsules. It's totally impossible to tell which is which without comparing, every Friday from now on we pick one out and see what the fuck happens
I had a dream where I was about to fight you but you were dressed like a greek god and had just killed a werewolf with your bare hands
So apparently someone caught him as he was falling. And carried him around the rest of the night.
Wow my largely unnecessary pool of lizard-related knowledge finally came in handy. Are you proud?
I don't know what to say
God it's like my stomach is full of drunk bees
Mind if I sleep with your cousin? If I can... thanks. If no, sorry its gonna happen.
lets face it, we have a liquor cabinet with a designated chocolate shelf
You better have a raging boner when I get to your house and it better be worth missing work in the morning.
Randomize
