i just pooped in tubberware. not a proud day
Fuck, operation next sex victim is on as soon as i get back. Do not sleep with that red head, nobody likes accidental ginger babies.
I think I took your hangover as a birthday present
She was hit by a car at 47 mph and lived. That explains everything.
Hm. I declare blue a flavor.
how do i tell her that i need alcohol to fuck her but at the same time i cant get a hard on with alcohol.
I love Japanese schoolgirls with short skirts riding bikes on windy days.
You're never coming back, are you?
Just puked on the beach. Hungover. In front of my parents. I love summer.
I automatically know you're drunk now as soon as you start yelling in spanish
oh my god. separately texting an Allie and an Ally while drunk is hard, and I'm climbed 1/2 way up a bridge pier.
just did a beer bong in the shower while i was taking an actual shower its officially football time
Just once I'd like to throw a party where I don't have to clean up someone else's blood the next morning.
We never did figure out who the stuff on the wall came from, did we?
My god this is going to ruin whatever Vegas left of our souls...
A big thanks to that bride-to-be, Her fiance and his loaded friends will forever hold a place in my heart for the generous tequila body shots on the couch at Henry's.
You punched me in the face while blackout. 20 min later I told you I'd been punched in the face and you yelled 'by who, imma go kill 'em!'
Randomize
