Jon just got arrested by the quesadilla police
What?!?
What I actually meant, is I had a quesadilla, and Jon got arrested by the real police
Just saw truck nuts on a handicap conversion van
Oh and ps....i was sleeping soundly until i woke up by the sound of amy on the phone with her mom sobbing hysterically because she can't stop having the shits.
xbox live and facebook are tricking me into believing I actually have an active social life
the party we crashed was not a party. the party we crashed was jens grandads funeral.
So bad news they put a private property sign on the tiger.
Until they install cameras or armed security i'll ride the fuck out of that jungle cat.
SARAH B AND I ARE GOING TO GO HALFSIES AND BUY YOU A CAT. IS THAT OKAY. TO KEEP YOU COMPANY DURING THUNDERSTORMS SUCH AS THIS ONE. ITS BECAUSE WE LOVE YOU.
Well the strippers have danced to goo goo dolls and green day, time of your life. Were all gonna commit suicide.
I just had a threesome in the back of my mom's van. I'm pretty sure the rest of my week is going to be epic.
they call him the transporter because he'll be your designated driver in exchange for sufficient weed or sex.\n
what about money
no - he has a code he lives by
You puked on my feet last night. You owe me a pedicure.
No one suspects that a sweet girl who is excited about her anniversary with her bf just blew her partner at work in a communal area a few hours ago, so its cool.
Yoga may not b such a good idea for me today. My liver is obviously in cahoots with my colon to pay me back for the past 24 days of misuse . Downward dog could have catastrophic consequences.
I got my eyebrow ring humped out. How is that even possible?
I just thought I should tell you that I always know what you are doing. Everywhere. Every time. -Your loving Mother
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