I'm gonna have a badass scar
an unopened bag of salt and vinegar chips... probably the best thing I've ever found in my room while high.
I feel as if I owe my bloodstream some tequila.
i gave you head in a backbend. if that doesnt say happy birthday i dont know what does.
Screw this I'm going to go talk to her. If you hear sirens they're for me.
Mom just Facebook checked into an Applebees at 2am. Caption: ''WITH THE BESTIEZ.''
Couldn't get it up. She asked me what she was doing wrong. Didn't have the heart to tell her. I appreciated her willingness to adapt, but she's pretty much gonna look that bad her whole life.
I just stole a cupcake from somebody's bottle service
And I got $4 when somebody made it rain.
I'm taking stock of m life as of right now and my Friday night plans are to drink a 30 rack by myself so I can have a tv stand when it is finished
Oh I already celebrated valentine's day. I stayed up until 4 AM listening to biggie, drinking rum, and caressing all my girl curves in front of the mirror. And then I came 3 times.
He might not have any marketable talents, but the kid dry humps like no other.
SORRY FOR THE CAPS. I DIDNT CHANGE IT IN TIME AND ITS TOO FAR TO GO BACK NOW. PS IM SUPER BAKED
Sexting is killing my work productivity but it's okay because I'm self-employed
I'm gonna go parent style on your ass... I don't ask much from you but if you could please just come get shitfaced with me I would really appreciate it
just had sex in the back of my high school auditorium #dreamcumtrue
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