his facebook status quotes britney spears so there is always that
Someone just uploaded pictures on facebook of you making out with random girls. I'm telling you because I'm assuming you don't remember anything, but the 236 pictures in the album should give you a good clue.
I woke up at 3am naked and stroking a watermelon.
long story short: there's a file in the master file cabinet labeled "lube".
And then like 10 minutes later they were taking a bath together. HOW DOES HE DO IT.
Oh my god it's like Minesweeper. I can tell there's sex in three of the four rooms, but which one is the safe one?
You handed some guy a spoon you found, he yelled SPOON GAME, and then the two of you spent the next 20 minutes throwing spoons all over the kitchen.
I'd appreciated it if you didn't lick my boyfriends face again. I'm askin nicely. Thank you.
I think showering with 5 people and a half gallon of vodka was one of the best decisions we have ever made.
decision: in honor of being in new orleans this weekend all my drunk texts will be en francais
We're like Siamese twins, but joined at the genitals.
This is embarrassing but i think i might have left my fake tooth at your house on your night stand.
I think I almost ran over some kid I went to high school with. Guilt factor: moderate to low.
i think the people from taco bell are onto us. they had my order ready today at 3am BEFORE I even got there.
You have ten minutes starting with this message to get here. Or I'm putting my clothes back on.
Randomize
