I'm not gonna not go for it, she's foreign and pulled a shotglass out of her thong.
She talked about nothing but beanie babies for 45 minutes. I'm never getting high with her again.
He sat there and debated the pros and cons of hooking up with me
at 6am he came into my room and kicked me in the stomach. when i finally got up he was passed out in my hallway and the bathtub water was running
MISSING: One left eyebrow. Reward if returned.
Tim john just told us the story about him losing his virginity at 14 during church on the emergency exit staircase. This is day drinking?
Update. He just picked me up and tried to demonstrate
Exactly. Some of us want to get married. And some of us want to wear sombreros and do cocaine. To each their own.
"Grocery shopping" is really just a euphemism for spending $20 on enough frozen food to last 2 weeks and spending the rest of your viable paycheck on alcohol.
Wednesday is my day of reflection and making my dick and balls into shapes. So i'll be pretty busy.
THEY AREN'T MARRIED. PUT ON YOUR HOMEWRECKING PANTIES AND GET TO WORK. NO EXCUSES.
i want to have his babies. i NEED to. shit i wont even ask for child support, he's that goodlooking.
She made sure everyone knew we were doing shots for her dead grandma.
So i came so hard i almost passed out, where has this vibrator been all my life?
I don't know which is worse, the fact that his name is Kevin or the fact that he has a pornstache.
The coke machine at work is laughing at me. Literally. I just heard laughter from the coke machine
Randomize
