So I'm going back to my apartment just to get my vibrator.
I thought you were moving in with your boyfriend for the summer?
Well....one will keep me from having to pay rent and the other satisfies. I'll let you figure it out.
He's on drugs...like drugs for horses.
naighbors jacking off again. i swear its his friday night ritual, its like he knows the night wont be ending in his favor
halfway through eating me out he goes 'oh that reminds me i have to buy fish for good friday'
I wasn't expecting a boner of this magnitude
Its like they don't get that I only talk to them before homecoming, thanksgiving, or any other time I go home. I love highschool girls.
they had to hand cuff you because you wouldn't stop trying to unzip the paramedic's pants...this is why i love you
your blue lips and tongue was their first indication you were probably underage
HEY THERE IS NO AGE LIMIT ON BLUE SLUSHIES
I have to be more responsible. I've dropped three lighters into my bong today.
I was high last night eating a fudge bar and making eggs with toast and corned beef hash for a 2 am snack and my dad asked what I was and the only reply I could think of was "I'm an adult."
he puked all over my guest bed and the said he felt good enough to clean it up. he poured bleach all over the bed and passed out in it. he had the chemiacal burn for a month...
Idk I'm sorry it's weird to ask for testimonials on your penis
Like who turns down taking a nap inside of someone in 2014.
Talk about having your cake and eating it he has basically demolished the whole fucking bakery
Longest 30 seconds of my life
10/10 so not recommended
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