Jon just got arrested by the quesadilla police
What?!?
What I actually meant, is I had a quesadilla, and Jon got arrested by the real police
Terrible. Enormous nipples with a small ring of boob on the outside. It looked like a tittie eclipse
How much would it be to rent out Gus Johnson so he can announce our flip cup games?
he fucked my hip out of place.
want the rest of his teeth to fall out while he slowly dies alone. Pretty sure I'm to the anger phase.
Why did you leave me a note saying 'find the canary'
I can't believe we had "50th anniversary of man in space" sex.
What started as a "classy" double date ended with Jeremy and I tripping our balls off and talking to the refrigerator while the girls cried on the couch and questioned where their lives were heading.
i'm having the hardest time convincing my roommates to go dumpster diving for pizza with me. i really miss you..
But seriously who drew a dick on a tortilla and nailed it to the door?
I'll be there with bells on. And by "bells" I mean "jäger bombs". And by "on" I mean "being poured down my gullet".
Tequila ran out around 11 so she let them do body shots of chips and guacamole instead
The man was doing everything in his power to get away from his wife, including go into the gay club.
Is it weird that the best sex I've ever had was to Barbara Streisand's Christmas album?
Today is going to be a great day. He just brought me a donut on his dick... It's Sticky Dick Donut Day!!!
Randomize
