please take me off your list of people to text when you don't want to drink by yourself.
I think hes settled down now. He's just licking the walls and the windows.
To be honest I don't know what's worse, the fact that I interupted their shower sex or the fact that I was so drunk I used the adjoining stall anyway
You love him. Dinosaurs. Math. Sex.
Woke up with two cats staring at me. One covered in puke thats giving me a look that says it might be my fault. Where am I? Come get me.
I'm a big fan of your penis but I will not sit through an animated movie dedicated to it.
We ran out of ice cubes so I used ice cream. Everyone thought that was the plan all along. I just went with it.
bad sex. bad bad bad. it was like trying to pick up an overcooked noodle with an empty pringles can. why do these guys always seem to find me?
Would you have sex with a guy wearing a Batman mask?
It's all hypothetical, I don't have a Batman mask... yet...
I'm doing somethin that's never been done before...the 10 am booty call come over
She just asked me if I was looser "in the vagina" than her. While gyrating.
I think he was trying to tie my clitoris in a knot with his tongue. So awful.
You left your underwear in a sandwich bag on my kitchen counter.
He sent me a dick pic, and it had smeared lipstick on it. So I sent him the pic of my tit with the hickey ring your brother gave me.
I HATE BEING THIS HIGH FML IT'S LIKE I'M MAKING UP FOR ALL THE 4:20S I DIDNT DO ALL AT ONCE
Randomize
