Dan just whipped out his wang to piss in a milk jug! Hello weekend.
Nob stitches i do do not bleed anymorr!
is it bad that the only reason i knew what antidote meant in class today, was from years of playing pokemon?
My history with restaurant waiters is severely limiting our dinner options.
I Just paid off the bartender to help me convince this chic my roommate's gay. This is the best cockblock ever.
I'm wearing boardshorts as underwear to work. This is bachelorhood
Some great men died of syphilis. I accept your compliment.
She just pulled out a chicken strip and a hundred dollar bill from her purse. This is a legit twentyfirst bday weekend.
It all boils down to, who else do we know that is willing to buy our friendship?
I swear, its like my old fuck buddies have a 6th sense for when I'm going to be daydrunk. Then they start texting me. And then I start sexting them
Look. You've gotta stop making this about you, and make it about my vagina.
A guy in a banana suit just got the whole bus to participate in a call and response version of Bohemian Rhapsody. HERO
I may have played more drinking games with my family this last week than all of freshman year...
He stared me down while singing "Let Me Love You" to me while we were having sex. I don't know whether to marry him or file a restraining order.
I got you a "sorry you think I'm pregnant" present
Randomize
