Ask me how many people I've slept with. Because its changed since I last saw you.
I saw you 20 MINUTES AGO. You need to stop this.
broke, out of weed, out of gas, out of food, and my gf just left me.
you're writing country songs now?
last night i found out that about 5 of my friends audio recorded us having sex through the bedroom door, then auto tuned it in the tpain app on his iphone.
Fuck. I just got my nipple tweaked by a plus size drag queen in a purple dress. I feel like I got molested by Grimace.
It was my penance. God came down to me in the form of an angel and said, "you must atone for your sins, by puking in your mouth at church right before communion"
I'm eating those little wheels of cheese and watching storage wars, this is the opposite of sex.
The last thing I remember is singing hotel California with a hobo and asking every bald man I saw if I could touch his head.
Dad's teaching me to make moonshine this weekend as "college prep". How scared should I be sis?
It's Been a while since I puked in vomit bush. I hope it doesn't feel neglected
Pagan metal show. There is a folk dance happening in the mosh pit. Also, I have no idea where we are.
He gave me the "find somebody who wants to date you for who you are" speech while I walked around the house asking people for pants.
You need to somehow incorporate the phrase "these hoes ain't loyal" into your best man speech.
I'm a grown ass woman, I need to get fucked
Holy shit dude........stairs
We fucked on the roof... like that has to mean something
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