you woke up and yelled "the tv is moving" and fell on the floor and passed back out
Can you come over to my place and make up for the crap you called sex yesterday?
Good morning to you
I need your advice and before you say it, no, it cannot be solved by a blow job
You clearly don't understand the power you wield with your mouth.
Just found my toeprints on the glass of his sunroof.
Apparently senior citizens don't like that position
we ended up on her 9 year old brothers bed and he saw the whole thing.... now he will know how to use his equipment
I come back into the room and you're grinding with the person in the mascot suit.
so not only am i rooming with two chicks on the volleyball team, but we just put down the deposit on a hot tub. this is going to be the best summer ever for my dick.
Stop thinking your God dude. You passed out. God doesn't pass out...
not a day goes by that I don't wish you were here or I there. Today it was because I had the desire to get high and go look at the jellyfish at the aquarium and you're the perfect buddy for that.
dude, where are you? this beer run has taken so long i read war and peace, took a nap, and shaved 3 times.
Good god you suck at this wake up call. Seriously. If I can, after consuming enough vodka to subdue a russian soldier, muster up enough motivation to call you in the morning and send you naked pictures the least you could do is pick up.
I'm pretty sure the guy who was grinding on me while I was trying to get a drink at he bar was one of my tinder matches
We've been fucking like crazy ever since she quit her job..ive been running errands all day to stay out of the house and give my dick a day of rest
I hate my life now
3 hour lecture of my biology teacher talking about isotopes and space shuttles. I'm way too high for this.
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