she was definitely wearing a bumpit. i think it was the hollywood bumpit. i told her that i lived with my parents to get outta taking her home.
You just projectile vomited on my dad across the table at waffle house.
Do you think he can smell the vodka?
We convinced her the game "just the tip" was a billiards game. She was asking a couple guys if they wanted to play as we left. I kinda don't want to ask her how the rest of the night went.
The fact that its 10am on a gameday and I have yet to shotgun is absurd
She told me she needed to clarify that we are not fuck buddies, we are best friends that have sex once in a while
The first couple times was just weird, but after last night, I'm beginning to think you have a real problem banging pregnant women who are carrying someone elses child.
I did too many shots and now a kitten is trying to eat my bagel.
Looks better than the half a blow job I got the other night which I had to finish myself. From a chick I refer to simply as "mom jeans".
I woke up with chocolate melted between my tits. I'd say that's a win for all parties involved.
she stole my Timberlands and my Sublime shirt and left her heels and bra. this is war
So, I'm a little drunk in Seattle with Glenna, but we've all agreed that it's patriotic to think about Bill Clinton from time to time during sex. 'Merica
And when I feel bad about myself I go to the library and suck my pen over an open book, counting the seconds until a guy sits across from me and tries to get my attention
The language barrier was annoying .... So we just had sex. That is how you deal with not being able to chat isn't it???
How do you tell a vegan you want him to stuff you like a turkey?
I just found my phone after looking for it since yesterday afternoon it was in the fridge.
Randomize