Dude, way to rack up $80 in pornos in the hotel room last night, and not tell me before I got blindsided at check out.
Heh. Guess I ordered some porno last night. Heh.
Don't judge me. If you're going to fall off a bed you might as well do it gracefully into a bag full of beer.
trying to imitate man vs food after 12 shots doesnt mean youll get laid
I used puppy pads next to the couch for her to throw up on....
do you think she knows her nickname is brickface?
In case you're keeping score at home, this is Brad's SECOND Doritos-related trip to the ER.
Last I saw, they went for a smoke and only one came back. He passed out outside. I'm glad he's only 120lbs. I left him on the rug still. My mom is gonna be pissed.
I'm pretty sure that I drunkenly used the phrase "I just want his beard all over my body" way too many times last night.
"There should be some kind of award for sleeping with your ex 9 times in 3 days."
How's my sex life is me mastubating next to her dog. that's how it's going.
All I'm saying is that if he knows his wife walks around naked during the day, he shouldn't bring a friend home for lunch and show up unannounced.
Just cropdusted a little kid that wouldn't get out of my way in Kroger. Welcome to the real world bitch.
So my family just woke up on Easter morning and shared a bowl. That's bonding😊
Crying while I'm pooping. I think this is rock bottom
How’s big weiner McGee?
I’m going to ask you one last time to call him Matt and he’s fine thank you very much
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