I need help removing her.
she's doing push ups on the keg. hows a girl supposed to compete with that?
Whats the opposite of morning wood? Whatever its called, everyone saw it when it fell out.
You'd think with all the porn he watches he'd be a little better at this...
just went trash diving in my work clothes for weed. A&E's intervention here i come.
So he handed us the weed then asked us if we needed any papers. And she goes "i dont know what that means, do we need to sign something?"
Somehow I don't trust you in this state to talk to you about a colonoscopy
Bonding with my year old cousin over the fact that we both shit ourselves. Babysitting like a bosss
My pants are like a grocery bag containing ONLY jelly beans right now.
I also tried to solve my dog's itching problem with crystal healing. I'm so high, dude.
I just rubbed amethyst all over him and kept saying 'no bites.'
He's wearing my bra and eating a breadstick while jumping on our bed.....
Not even official and he's cleaned my puke twice. His hotdog skills are an added bonus. I've got a keeper
I have found random beers stashed in my purse and microwave... Apparently I thought 2015 was gonna have a beer shortage
i wish i could say that was the first 40 year old woman from the circus I nailed
This is your post bachelor party survival text. This a free and complementary service to make sure you are still alive. For alive, say yes. For hurting, say ugh. If lost, say help. If dead, please feel free to not respond. Thank you and we hope you enjoyed the party.
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