I need hand sanitizer and jesus.
the ice cream truck is coming omgomg
dude, it's 2 am.
but its COMING
there needs to be a "man fax report". like car fax. type in the guys name and bday and up pops all the bad shit he's ever done.
dude this girl next to me farted in the middle of a quiz and denied my high five
bitch
my mom just asked me what a queef is. she needs to stop watching south park
Your "OraGel will numb anything" theory was the worst thing I ever believed in.
In preparation of Wine in the Woods next weekend, today we're hosting Straight Vodka in the Bathtub
We stopped midfuck cuz a guy was walking his dog. Who the fuck walks their dog in the dorm parking structure at 3am!?
I just put fruit snacks in my sangria instead of real fruit. Its like freshman year all over again..
We couldn't afford sangria freshman year. We're lucky we had fruit snacks..
They were loudly fucking last night and there was way too much conversation involved. It wasn't even dirty talk, it was more like "your doing it wrong" talk
all i remember was her shitting herself and asking me to call her parents.....i so didn't. when i woke up she was gone and left a note saying "we will be lovers forever"
My tinder date wouldn't stop talking about the Star Wars movie trailer long enough to fuck me. HOW IS THIS MY LIFE?!?
So I've decided that blue balls for lesbians is rainbow balls and the struggle is real
He showed up on school grounds wearing nothing but a suit of armor. Really at this point I'm more impressed than angry.
On a scale of 1 to i should hide, how deep did i dig my grave?
Randomize
