My right nipple has been called many things but never a ghost pig
god. i hate danny gokey.
Hes like the kid in school that reminds the teacher they forgot to assign homeowrk.
he's mormon right? lame.
I guess there's some 16 and under softball tournament and they all are at my work. what is a 21 year old to do?
The responsible thing...show them the break room.
Found your pants in the mailbox
What were my pants doing in the mailbox?
I don't know but there's postage on them
his profile picture is him throwing up "#1" hands after his lax championship next to his coach that i fucked....embarrasing for him, yet ironically beautiful for me.
Road construction signs are deceptively heavy
Make me a sandwich
The day you make me feel like my detachable showerhead does I'll make you a sandwich.
We're you guys there last night when everyone started chanting "Nacho Steph"? Someone picked me up, carried me to the nacho cheese and made me do a nacho cheese stand.
Today I learned that when you lick a mans butthole, you get wined and dined at a nice french restaurant.
if becoming an adult is chugging a bottle of wine in your bed and crying about your stresses while your dog watches you, sign me up
I wanna die. I can't recall the last time I was happy that doesn't involve your hand touching my butt.
Ugh I feel like I just got hit by a big giant sex bus.
I just elbowed a roll of wrapping paper, and said “ohh sorry”. I’m still drunk.
I regret nothing
Not even Married Dan?
I regret one thing
oh man there are to hot chicks wrestling in a pool of maple syrup. ill send you a picture
this is why i will never break up with you
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