Bridesmaid dress fitting. I look like a Weeble and Michelle looks like Malibu Barbie. I have to keep reminding myself that she has herpes so really, the playing field is more level than it might initially seem.
Is making out on a toilet while he is sitting down and pissing weird? cause that's what happened last night
We broke into the space center. If i go to jail I wanted to tell you, you have a fantastic dick. Use it wisely.
I don't think you understand. Its the best fauxhawk you've ever seen. I look like a gay dinosaur.
That's the most beautiful thing I've ever heard. Can I call you littlefoot?
Fair enough. Everyone has some guilty pleasures. Yours is yourself
Another reason why I like dubstep now, it makes me feel even higher than I already am.
That's what you get for dating construction workers you meet in tunnels.
there is nothing ok with the fact that that was the 4th time i peed in the same parking ramp
You're too young to have this sort of Grizzled Old Drunk In Roadside Bar wisdom.
I just masturbated to the thought of him straight up talking to me. to us having a conversation. What the hell.
I wanna die. I can't recall the last time I was happy that doesn't involve your hand touching my butt.
After we hooked up he started to cry and called his mom and told her he wanted to marry me
He got up in the middle of the show and returned with this massive ham shank, then offered me some by asking "wanna suckle on my hog." Should I be offended?
i just want to get drunk and cry and have sex with lots of men
I feel asleep with my contacts in, with my arms wrapped around a bottle of vodka. Also... Do we have class today?
Randomize
