How do you politely bring up someone's criminal record?
No no no no no. Not interrested. She looks just like Kim's fat booth picture. Only real.
Dude I really need to stop drinking. I chugged a whole bottle of ketchup last night.
Never backflip into an above ground pool. I think the gash will be smaller by Monday though.
Look at my fb. It says single. That's the gospel.
Well would you like to come over anyway? I will be wearing sweatpants and disappointment. Also, I have Jack Daniels and I've managed to get drunk in under half an hour. But my boobs look awesome.
lesson learned. Never drop acid before a trip to the aquarium. Sounds awesome, is actually terrifying.
I guess the wine stains on your shirt and the $2 vodka tonics you're sweating out just scream, "Welcome to DC, please ask me for directions."
I need my daily rules like rule one don't put your dick in the vacuum cleaner
Playing pong against a girl who fucked my ex boyfriend so that's how my nights going
I took a picture of you last night while you were drunk, trying to smoke a bowl through your nose. It's now your contact id.
Its 9 am & i've been cleaning for 6 hours now with occasional crying bursts and two cocktails. Adulting 101.
DIBS on your mom for my beer pong partner.
Omg. I meet up with you guys with bodily fluids on my chin ONE time and suddenly I'm a whore.
She's not allowed to do acid anymore... she started crying because she thought she was an eagle.
Randomize