She got kicked off the plane and spent the last four hours in a holding cell with the feds.
but she's really nice
imagine if the morning after your status automatically updated with the name of the person you hooked up with
How do I tell if what I'm covered in is pee or cum?
Why do I feel like I'm not the only one drinking to make my night class teacher look better?
I apologize for forcing you to look at my boob when we were high. It was uncalled for
Getting business cards printed for tonight. Would you rather be: 1. Vice President of Argentina 2. Celebrity Dental Assistant or 3. Dial-Up Internet Technician
3. Dial-Up Internet Technician.
I'm studying for my midterm by watching porn with Spanish subtitles. Surprisingly the words are still really distracting..
Thanks for walking over, a conversation about David Bowie's dick as a muppet is exactly what my day was missing.
She has the perfect pussy. Looks like a paper cut with a puff of cotton candy on top.
Eh maybe I should give her a chance. Let's see where making a porno takes the friendship
But now he's gone and I'm exhausted and my vagina is yelling at me and I want a cheeseburger
Is it possible to hurt your vagina working out, because I think my Dumbass accomplished that... 😯😟😒😓
Do I even want to know?
He tried to throw up into a beer bottle. It was a complete disaster. Vomit went everywhere. It put the Bellagio's fountain to shame.
Would you say that skipping class and sitting alone in my room singing One Direction to myself and sobbing is an acceptable way to deal with the break-up
Worst sex ever! He was a talker for sure! I was on top and out of no where he said "Oh you bad bitch?" I stopped and left.
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