she's about as cool as a sandpaper handjob.
So I just saw a commercial for tickle me Elmo furry gloves. And I thought hmm I bet I could jerk off with those. Is that a sign of deepseated charachter issues?
I managed to lose everything but my socks.. which stayed on all 6 times we had sex.
What happened to "I wouldnt even touch her with a ten foot pole"?
Her vagina devoured it.
some gay kid said he wanted to blow him because "his eyebrows told a story"
He stripped down to boxers and then started flinging jello shots with a spoon into people's mouths like a catapult.
i figure now that we're number one party school im obligated to black out at least 4 days a week. andddd go.
I tried telling the cop that I don't do drugs, and that if he'd just take me home I could prove it by showing him my D.A.R.E. certificate.
After 3 dates I think I'm failing at painting the "sweet guy with a future" picture and more painting the "this is the guy to call when you've run out of options and want to get fucked in half drunk to forget about it" picture.
So when this rash is gone wanna hang out?
I'd be 10x more excited if going out didn't require pants or the general giving of fucks
I am pretty sure I just put SoCo in the bird feeder
Yes. I am out of condoms. I kept filling them with glow paint and playing with them when I was on mushrooms, which resulted in me having unprotected sex last weekend
Just don't have sex while watching Home Alone. It will ruin Christmas for you.
Don't make me do math I'm drunk and full of chicken
Randomize
